I distinctly remember questioning this magical instinct. Is this maternal instinct hard-wired into the female brain? Or, does it occur naturally when a woman gets pregnant? Did I have the desire to protect and nurture or care for another being?
Just because as women we come equipped with breasts and a uterus does not mean we will naturally ooze with maternal instincts. From my research I found that maternal instinct is real and there are plenty of studies proving it as fact. But this instinct does not play by fast rules and not all of us have it. I discovered the maternal instinct is instinctive, but can also be learned.
Things like experience, your past and present environment and how we were raised by our parents all play into our maternal attitude. This maternal attitude notice I dropped the word instinct determines how women will respond to babies and can also predict future behavior.
If you want to be a mother but are not sure…you are entirely normal. There is not something necessarily wrong with an adult who does not ooooh and ahhhh over a newborn. Not liking babies is not abnormal. During the first few weeks of life all babies look a bit like aliens. Newborns are wrinkly, they cry, fuss, poop and puke. They are unable to reciprocate appreciation with a smile until they are eight weeks old.
They cry and I am often at a loss as how to comfort them. Good news is babies get cuter as they age and develop personality. As a mom you get better at figuring out what they need.
How you feel about babies before you have one does not predict the type of mother you will be. Once you give birth it is an entirely new ball game. You will experience feelings you never expected to have.
Remember learning how to love and show that love to a child is all part of the learning process of becoming a parent. Conversations with girl friends often turn to babies One young woman friend told me she'd mentioned to her mother and grandmother that she did not plan to have children. The response from the older generation was, "You will have children.
You must have children! I suggested two possible solutions. One, she could either continue to avoid the topic of children with her mom or grandmother or two, she should ask them why they were so determined she have children. Then listen closely to their response. I would highly recommend it to everyone I love. Does anyone really have enough experience to raise a child? I will admit, figuring out how to take care of a new baby is tough but there is no way to learn unless you jump right in.
Even the most inexperienced mothers eventually figure it out. Also, there are plenty of moms and grandmothers who will offer help. The greatest thing about young children is they believe the sun rises and sets with their mom or dad.
They automatically love you. Many women define themselves through their work. They feel a need to be educated and a strong need to be in the workforce. They look at having a child as complicating their career. This is totally understandable after working hard to get where they are in their careers.
Also, many wonder what stay-at home moms do all day? I can testify that as a mom you are busy! There are many women who have balanced a career and kids. I also found I learned a lot about myself during the time period I was a stay-at-home mom. If you wait to have a child until you have your career is all buttoned up you may miss out on a great opportunity for change. A child born when his mother is 25 will finish high school when his mother is 43, an age at which she still has plenty of time and energy for advancement or an entirely new career.
It is tough to take a great body into pregnancy and end up with stretch marks and saggy breasts. Before I had children I heard horror stories of morning sickness, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, peeing when you sneeze and weight gain. For some, whether they want to have kids or not is not so clear cut. As you get older, there's more and more of a societal pressure to get pregnant — and when your friends start families of their own, there can be a peer pressure element as well.
So how do you know if you have a maternal instinct — or if you don't? Firstly, it's important to realize that lacking maternal instinct is not necessarily the same thing as not wanting to have a baby. Dawn Michael , M. The truth is, if you are lacking mommy instincts, not to worry. Once baby arrives they most likely will be there. But what if you don't want to have kids? Michael says. When a person makes that choice they should embrace it and not feel pressure to have children if that is not what they want.
Some people are just not drawn to children — and that's fine. Some behaviors include if you "bristle at the sound of children's screaming or crying, won't carry babies, won't sit near children at restaurants, stand in lines with kids, or frequent places with many children," Dr. Erika Martinez, licensed psychologist , tells Bustle.
Acting maternal should come easy to all women, right? So, to be a mother is to be maternal. Well, actually, no. Not all mothers feel maternal, even after having more than one baby.
To some women, motherhood comes with a severe learning curve — one that takes a lot of time and practice. How do I know? I'm one of them. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I enjoyed coaching the little kids at soccer camp and was also a teacher for a period of time.
I adored helping children learn, and their joy made my heart swell. Plus, I had heard numerous stories from my own mother and my friends about how euphoric motherhood is for them. They made it sound like it was as blissful as falling in love for the first time, which, I guess it sort of is. So, I assumed it would be that way for me, too. Only it wasn't. When I was pregnant, I felt excited like many first-time moms. I registered for all the necessities, got the nursery set up perfectly, and did my research about child-rearing.
But when I brought my baby boy home from the hospital and stepped into my house for the first time as a mother, I felt everything but maternal. Nothing about being a mother felt natural to me.
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