Identifying that behavior or display of attitude in the other person is critical to rebuilding trust. To rebuild trust and resolve ongoing trust issues, your needs must be expressed to the other person. That is the only way they have the opportunity to repair the damage and consistently display the behaviors that you put at a high priority.
Fear — especially the fear of imperfection or disappointment — diminishes as confidence builds. If someone has trust issues with you, identify what behaviors you must display consistently to rebuild trust with the person. It will take time, experience and consistency to begin resolving any trust issues. Be patient. This involves both empowering you rebuild trust in yourself and empowering others rebuild trust in others.
You build influence through others trusting you. They enable you to impact areas of greater value. When you encounter trust issues in these relationships, be proactive and diagnose them quickly. Once you build or rebuild trust to a level you empower people to impact the deepest, most important parts of yourself or business, then you reach a point of inspiring.
This is rare, which is why it is so impacting. If you reach this level, do whatever it takes to identify and mitigate trust issues early. Rebuilding trust to this level is much more challenging than maintaining and nurturing it at this stage. People often think of trust and building influence in only one dimension — trusting others. However, the most important person to build influence and confidence with is you.
Trust issues often happen within ourselves. Trust has to be both earned and given in any relationship. This is especially true with leadership and trust. You need to drill down past the sunny surface into the dark depths if you want to find the gold nuggets of love that still remain in your relationship and start rebuilding from scratch on a solid foundation.
Are you worried your partner is having an emotional affair? Check out our guide explaining the key signs to look out for. Whatever exactly happened in your relationship there is no doubt that both of you also have individual issues you need to work on as well. You need to build trust with yourself and validate your needs before you will be able to clearly share and explain them to your partner. As Dr. Paul writes :. When you make a commitment to treat yourself with love and compassion and authentically trust your needs, you will not harm yourself or your partner by lying or cheating.
You need to be healthy with yourself before you can start to genuinely start bringing the relationship back to what it once was — or something even better.
The more you hold back in the process of rebuilding broken trust, the more you will walk forward into the future with a relationship limp. No matter how much you think you have moved forward, those unexpressed, repressed emotions and perspectives will fester and cause problems in the future, coming out in even stronger and more destructive forms. As Les Parrott explains :. The past and its problem will be your future unless you honestly let out all your emotions and thoughts with your partner.
Be honest and answer questions truthfully. If one of you asks if their weight gain was part of what prompted your loss of attraction and this is the case then be brutally honest and say yes.
Therapist Dr. Linda Mintle advises that the partner who was betrayed should feel absolutely entitled to ask as many questions as they want and have them answered in full honesty:. The betrayer cannot complain about having to answer questions that might be uncomfortable. This part of the process is a bit like ripping off a band-aid, but it absolutely needs to be done if you want the healing to begin.
It is not necessarily too late to say sorry. True remorse, accountability and genuine empathy going into an apology can go a long way, but it has to come from the heart spontaneously and be a natural part of the healing process. As clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona says :. It just has to be an honest, from-the-heart full-on apology.
Two individuals will never rebuild broken trust in a relationship if the atmosphere is toxic and hostile. If you are in a hostile, combative atmosphere the rebuilding process will never go anywhere and will actually just lead to intensifying fights and eventually an even worse, final breakup.
As Parrot puts it :. And that comes down to empathy. As Cilona writes :. Never underestimate some good old-fashioned deep eye contact and a meaningful commitment to move forward together and forgive the wounds of the past. If you can find a way to authentically forgive through empathy and personal strength then there is the chance to salvage what you once had and move forward.
According to Vilhauer :. Healing, communicating and honest expression will start the process rolling, but none of this list will really accomplish anything unless you begin putting positive changes into action. There are ways for both partners to commit to heal the pain of the past and begin rebuilding the bridges that were burned. This means changes to your life together from how you spend time together, to how you communicate your feelings to how you deal with disappointments and disagreements.
As psychologist and author Paul Coleman outlines :. This is basically a two-way street going forward where both partners will have to continuously face their insecurities and also have confidence that this time around the commitment really is full and you will both face the future together.
Any relationship is only as good as the people in it. As you begin implementing changes to your relationship going forward you will be laying the groundwork for a healthy future together.
Instead of just saying sorry or expressing hurt over how things have gone, make sure that you also have constant communication and adjustments for how things are currently going.
According to Stritof:. The underlying causes for the betrayal need to be identified, examined, and worked on by both spouses for the issues to stay dormant. In the previous steps, you may have identified specific relationship and life issues that led to betrayal or contributed to the atmosphere in which it occurred. As you rebuild trust and move forward in your improved relationship you need to keep coming back to the building block of everything.
That one thing is simple but crucial:. According to Osborn:. The memory of lies and betrayal — even though it has now been forgiven — will be doubly painful if consistently starts falling away. This conviction can then lead to bringing up the betrayal the next time there is a relationship issue and trying to use it to win fights and get what you want. They usually need to win, no matter the cost to the other person, and insist on having the last word.
As the above point gets at, you need to really be willing to start over. Your partner might want to talk right away. But they also might need days or weeks before they can address the issue with you. Your partner may need space and time before they can discuss what happened. And often, this might involve physical space. Your partner may want more transparency and communication from you in the future. This is common after a betrayal of trust. You may even willingly share your phone and computer with your partner to prove your honesty.
If you want to repair your relationship and avoid hurting your partner again in the future, you need to reach a mutual understanding of what good communication looks like. Miscommunications or misunderstandings can sometimes cause as much pain as intentional dishonesty. Being in a relationship with broken trust can be extremely uncomfortable. Both sides might be eager to get the whole rebuilding process over with as fast as possible.
But realistically, this takes time. How much time, exactly? It depends on a lot of factors, particularly the event that broke the trust. Long-standing patterns of infidelity or dishonestly will take longer to resolve. A single lie grounded in a misunderstanding or desire to protect may be easier to address, especially when the partner who lied shows sincere regret and a renewed commitment to communication.
Have patience with yourself. If your partner makes a mistake or two over the course of a long relationship and owns up to it, working on trust issues may be the right move. Couples counseling can be a great resource when dealing with trust issues, particularly those involving infidelity.
A counselor can offer an unbiased view of you relationship and help both partners work through underlying issues. Having tough conversations about betrayal and trust can also bring up painful emotions on both sides.
Having a trusted counselor can also help you navigate the difficult feelings as they arise. If you do decide to try repairing things, be prepared for things to take some time. If both sides are committed to the process of rebuilding trust, you might find that you both come out stronger than before — both as a couple and on your own. Setting boundaries is about giving yourself agency and empowerment. Here are exercises, questions, and methods to try when setting boundaries with….
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